Posts Tagged ‘suicide’


Oh Captain my Captain

August 12, 2014

On this ordinary night, or so it seemed, I hesitated getting out of my comfy sofa and checked the latest news before going to bed. And there it was. A news report that one of my favorite actors had taken his own life at 63.
I didn’t see it coming; I was startled. I decided to stay up some more and distract myself with positive things before going to bed but I noticed my mind was wandering too much. I surprised myself being so occupied with it, after all he was a Hollywood actor and part of my fantasy world; a source of entertainment. He was not an acquaintance, we had never even met.
Some time later I tried to get to sleep and at 4 in the morning I noticed a tear rolling down my cheek.

Later on I realized he already had me at “nano nano” when I was only seven. This was not just another run-of- the-mill funny face. Dead Poets Society and Good Will Hunting proved to be glorious highlights in my movie-going world and I consider them timeless. I have trouble thinking of another man who made me laugh and cry within one sentence. And yet he was miles away.
His particular brand of improv amazed and delighted me to no end. I have never ever seen a Robin Williams that I didn’t care for.
Though he was a stellar example of lust for life on screen; outside the spotlight he was too often surrounded by darkness. Drugs and alcohol were a manifestation of that. Depression too.
He was brutally honest about it, poked fun at himself even and earned my admiration as a human being, not just a great actor. It’s heartbreaking that his demons got the better of him in the end. The eternal sadness of a clown.
I had always imagined him as a man I would just love to have a coffee with and pick his brain for an afternoon. And laugh my head off, no doubt. And cry, all in the same sentence.

Oh captain, my captain wherever you are right now, I’m sure they’ll love to have you. They are privileged as we all were. I’ve no doubt you’ll seize the day. Just like in the movies.
Meanwhile I solemnly promise to never lose that little spark of madness.


“What’s wrong with death sir? What are we so mortally afraid of? Why can’t we treat death with a certain amount of humanity and dignity, and decency, and God forbid, maybe even humor. Death is not the enemy gentlemen. If we’re going to fight a disease, let’s fight one of the most terrible diseases of all, indifference.” – Patch Adams




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