Posts Tagged ‘self-worth’


Skin Deep

September 24, 2012

We hate how capital it is but want it anyway. We worship and loathe it when it fades. We like to pretend not to care but can actually get obsessed by it.

Yes I’ve used the cliché’ “beauty’s only skin deep” as much as the next person and pretend to live by it but being brutally honest with myself that is not the case.
Take some stranger (or my old school teacher, or a rock star – take your pick) coming into view and suddenly I’m swept away by how B E A U T I F U L he is. I don’t want to know about his life, I don’t care how intelligent or how sweet he is or if he’s erudite. I only see the beauty. And it’s like this beauty automatically makes him possess all those other qualities when vice versa is not always the case.
I’m mad at myself for this instinctive reaction even though it makes me a normal person. I have trouble with how it’s embedded in human nature and nobody thinks of it as an ailment that needs to be remedied.

I’m saddened by how it makes young girls (and boys, no doubt) feel inadequate, not special or worthy because they don’t look like poster children (even when they are the smartest in class).

I watch people making their way through life relying solely on that beauty. They don’t need to be even remotely interesting. No achievements necessary. Their beauty suffices, getting them exactly where they want to go. And I can’t blame them as I have a sneaking suspicion I’d do the very same and society would make it all too easy for me to do so.
Finally that beauty fades. And it “seems “ they are not too particularly smart, or accomplished. What is left for them to feel good about, I wonder, when before they had to make very little effort in life but now times have changed.

And still I (and many others) secretly dream about looking like any random red carpet ready celebrity on a daily basis.

At times it does make me determine my self-worth even when I am supposed to be an adult and fairly intelligent woman who really should know better. I don’t like experiencing jealousy or frustration by it; tolerate too much or forgive too easily because of it. I despise how sometimes it makes me NOT want to look for what is beyond it. And I can really do without the aching, craving and other craziness that ensues from it on occasion.

But it’s there and I seem to have little or no defense. I can only come up with yet another cliché which is that “it’s human”. And that’s the whole trouble…

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