You Never Know

June 13, 2011

You’re having the best Sunday. Spending time with your loved ones. Having coffee and cake and then a little something stronger of course. Enjoying an all-smiles-and-laughter sunny afternoon. To round off a splendid day you decide to go watch a friend’s gig in the evening. Meeting up with lovely people. Great ambiance, good fun.
And right in the middle of a song, the drummer falls down and does not get back up. It’s funny for the first ten seconds ’till you see somebody perform CPR and you realize it’s not funny at all. People frantically running back and forth; somebody calling an ambulance and still it’s hard to acknowledge what’s actually going on because literally two minutes ago everybody was laughing and rocking out to the music.
You’re numbed and wonder why it’s taking so long for the ambulance to get here. And the CPR continues… precious minute after minute after minute. This roadie elaborates about how dear old Luc was actually experiencing heart problems for some time now (age 51) and all of his friends had been urging him to please make a doctor’s appointment but you know how that goes right? He’s so busy playing in different bands, holding down a job and being a volunteer for the local Red Cross (oh the irony) and nobody likes going to the doctor, do they?
The ambulance arrives and you see the paramedics getting the paddles out. You hear yourself saying:  “He’s not going to die here and now, is he? This isn’t really happening.” Band members are crying now. Others seemingly gaze into nothing. You’re getting teary eyed over somebody you don’t really know. These are the longest twenty-five minutes.
Police arrives and tries to block the view from people who keep popping up, trying to get up close, not wanting to miss one minute of this “sideshow”. Disgusting. By now your heart is pounding like crazy and your stomach’s in a knot. All the while you continue talking to the roadie who tries to keep the conversation going with the usual clichés. “Well, you see, you never know what’s going to happen next. And he’s so young. I guess he won’t be doing anymore gigs any time soon now.”
Finally the ambulance drives off. And you have no idea how Luc, whom you barely know, is doing. Friends running around phoning other friends and even more people showing up. You find yourself playing the little reporter and giving everyone who wants to, a rundown of events occurred. You tell your good friend you can’t go home just yet and you could really do with a beer right now. You do what you can. Console, comfort, give unsolicited advice. Anything to take your mind off how you’re really feeling.
After half an hour you decide you’ve calmed down now but then you find yourself having a little cry in the pub’s restroom. You emerge and your friend tells you she received a call telling her that Luc has a pulse and that he’s stabilized for now. So you ask if it’s ok we go get something to eat ’cause you’re starving? You do and you sit down and eat. Converse. Laugh even. After all of that you go home. You recall the roadie’s clichés. And you wholeheartedly agree that you really never know what’s coming next.

C A R P E  D I E M 


Road to …

April 17, 2011

There’s this family drama on TV I love watching. It’s set in Canada of the early 1900s. Every time I watch it, I get the naïve sentiment that all is right with the world. I love feeling like that. Sixty-minute tales with guaranteed happy endings every week.

It’s the era where etiquette still stands for something and the key-word is understated when it comes to emotions. The popular F-word is not you know what but fiddlesticks. Casual attire includes elaborate underwear and roughly 6 layers of clothing topped off with ridiculously large hats. People ride in carriages all of the time (not just for weddings) on unpaved roads that always lead to quaint cottages with porches and well-kept gardens.

“Road to Avonlea” tells of the trials and tribulations of a small island community. There’s Hetty trying to instill her rigid standards in her family members but having considerable trouble achieving just that. Soft-spoken Olivia breaks free and finds love in the arms of local scientist-weirdo Jasper. Some clichés never go out of style. Alec and his wife have children getting into all sorts of trouble not involving an ounce of violence or drugs. Proper Felicity falls for local vagabond Gus (I can so relate). Olivia discovers romance entirely without putting out on the first date or wearing too revealing tank tops. Last, but not least, Rachel, local busybody, with the most Wagnerian laugh you’ll ever hear is adamant that “You’re never safe from surprise until you’re dead.”

While all of that abundance of sweetness and innocence has little appeal to the general public these days, I take every opportunity I get to escape reality and dream about a more perfect world besides mine. The wholesomeness of it all makes a nice change from the umpth reality-soap or starlet being famous for absolutely no other reason than taking her top off. If that makes me a little miss goody two shoes well so be it…

Incidentally, it received 16 Emmy nominations and 4 actual awards so somebody else must have liked it. So I will merrily continue watching this wonderful portrayal of another era while secretly being happy I no longer have to wear granny-pants and 6 layers of skirt before going out. Fiddlesticks!




September 5, 2010

There I am, in my laptop state of mind with the remote as a close second and the TV on, surfing and watching the big and the little screen all at once. Then somebody bursts out in hymn in the middle of that half-ass film I’m sort of watching…
I switch from nearly there to emotionally involved in a split second, my focus sharpens and the plot becomes crystal clear. Just like that.
I cannot remember what I was reading. Because music is ringing in my ears (quite literally); because somebody out there is singing their heart out..

As I’m shopping for yet another pair of stilettos because it’s such a deliciously bad habit I’m stopped dead in my tracks.
They’re playing that one song on the radio. That one out of a zillion songs. From the time when I danced around in my aunts living-room as a 3-year old; or that slow dance with my first crush. A douche bag, in hindsight. Of course.
Standing in the middle of this shoe Walhalla, seemingly staring into the great oblivion all I can think about is when he first touched me…and when he first broke my heart. 
At the supermarket I suddenly stop the cart at the frozen foods section because I just have to sing along to that girl-power song. Us girls simply need that kind of affirmation, it’s very necessary. Even more so when running errands…

Doing those ordinary dishes or that humdrum (TY Lina Lamont) housework shifts into another gear when combined with the best catchy tunes you can think off. Little miss Nathalie turns into The Bionic Woman and goes through all the chores at warp speed.

Can you ever imagine yourself going without MUSIC ? Hush, don’t even say it…


One of those days.

August 10, 2010

Well it had been ages but … today was one of those days.

I woke up, read the news online and put the kettle on for some coffee. Enjoyed the view outside my apartment for the mmth time and felt happy as a child with my new Snoopy slippers bought on sale (yes Snoopy, I am 38 btw).

I did not feel anxious or weary about the fact that I’ve been single for so long, or where my next job was going to come from. I did not fret about how my checkbook was going to last me ‘till the end of the month.

I was not wallowing in self-pity about why I have lots of “wrong” character traits and too few of the “right” ones. Just going about my business and not having a care in the world.

I did not wonder if I’ll ever get to have a family of my own but was just being deliriously happy with the one I’ve got.

Glad and even delighted that I decided to go back to my roots, my hometown, after being away for several years  ‘cause it really turned out to be the right decision.

Merrily chatting away with some of my facebook friends and feeling like the wittiest, most eloquent girl in the world. Laughing my head off about some of their comments.

Deciding to put on my favorite pair of stiletto’s smack in the middle of the day ‘cause I like prancing around in them in my living room.

I did not feel uneasy about my size 10 and actually just bought a very nice new party dress to prove it. I happen to think I look damn good in it too.

Even dare to think that the future just might turn out to be interesting…

It really had been ages but … today was a very good day indeed.

Let’s hope it turns out to be an epidemic.




June 14, 2010

Why do I devote an entire blog post to this one song?  It simply blew me away the first time I heard it.

Everybody (well hopefully) has one or more songs that move them in a way no person, situation  or spoken word ever can.  It does not necessarily mean it is exceptionally well written with meaningful  content or anything like that. It doesn’t have to either…

First let me explain that in real life I’m a non-outspoken, head in the clouds, miss goodie two shoes kind of girl…but this song grabs me and drags me right into one of my frequent rock star wannabe fantasies.

There’s something compulsory and instigating about the rhythm and the vibe of this song. It actually does make me want to “feed the fire” and “break my vision”, evoking fierce emotions I love to get lost and even wallow in…

Maybe the lyrics are yet another cliché of yet another person who’s down and out and needs help desperately. But truth be told  that speaks to a lot among us, yours truly included.

Furthermore if somebody came along and told me to “throw my fists up” and come on with them I’d drop everything in an instant and follow them to the ends of the earth (and don’t think I wouldn’t). ‘Cause I’d be thinking I finally found deliverance…

Incidentally I would also love getting extremely lost inside that video.  Start laughing now because I always wanted to be standing behind a mike with the elements of nature tearing away at me from all angles, surrounded by kindred spirits who are as lost in ecstasy as I am (totally non drug related)!!

So this song makes it perfectly all right for me to think the silliest thoughts and not feel one bit guilty or ashamed about it. Now putting it all out there in a blog post is another matter but I’m still going to do it.

And after that I’ll be listening to and watching this Watercolour again and again … and then some.



What makes me happy

May 27, 2010

A fresh pot of coffee and the smell of fresh bread.

Little black dresses and high heels. A bit of bling.

Sunsets, my father’s sunny disposition and his pets.

My best  friends, connecting with like minded people.

Visiting my sister and discovering the meaning of familiarity in the most wonderful way.

Getting a call, out of the blue, from a “long time no see” friend and deciding to go on a binge (yes miss goodie two shoes over here does that sometimes).

Dancing the night away ‘till my feet are absolutely sore. That never gets old…

Spotting a man across the room looking at me and getting me all hot and bothered.

Watching a good old fashioned tearjerker.

Swooning over Bogey and Bacall.

Being down and hearing a song on the radio that just shifts your day, singing along to it loudly and totally off key.


Music, music and music…

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